Monday, June 26, 2017

From the Heart

Singleness is hard.

I say this after having just had a heart to heart conversation with a dear friend of mine from Gordon-Conwell.

Singleness is hard.

Yes, I did repeat that because it's true.

I can count on one hand and a half (so, like seven fingers) friends of mine who are single like me and who, like me, are wondering lately WHAT GIVES?

It's hard when I know my ex has moved on, is probably getting married soon, and here I am - alone.

It's difficult when most all of my friends around me are married, have a growing family, and I'm here still holding onto a dream that I hope God will fulfill.

Singles hear all the time a few of the following things - "....God knows the desires of your heart" or "...when you least expect it" or "Well maybe you are learning a lesson as a single person."

I want to be as blunt but as sweet as possible - please stop saying that to us. Maybe you mean well, but it comes across as flippant, cliche, or that you really just don't know what else to say.

We know God knows our heart, we know it could happen when we least expect it... and talk about lessons learned. We've been able to do a lot of things those married friends might have not gotten to do. But that still does not lessen the blow that we want to be married.

Sometimes I feel like I'll be OK as a single the rest of my life. Like today I carted three heavy bags of groceries up to my apartment and I was sweating like a pig but I immediately thought, "GIRL POWER! I DID THAT ON MY OWN!"

But other times, I wish I didn't have to do it on my own.

Look, I'm not writing this blog to get a pity party thrown. I'm just being honest. And I'm certainly NOT begrudging any of you married friends. I love you. You're my girls (and boys) and I wouldn't be where I am without your presence in my life all these years.

It's just that I'm tired of this empty feeling in my heart that aches from time to time. More often than not as of late.

I have a piece of art on my coffee table that a former student made for me. It simply says, "It will be a good story later." I know that all of this - ALL OF IT - is included in my journey for a purpose and a reason. I don't have to like it right now. I don't have to like it ever, really.

But it will be a good story later on.


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