Sunday, May 31, 2015

Refreshed in South Carolina

Last weekend, I met up with three of my dear seminarian friends from Gordon-Conwell in a little town outside Charleston. I was going to say goodbye to my friend, Brie, who is leaving for Germany in a few months to do ministry there. The bonus was getting to hang out with Lyndsay and David at their new home and see David preach at their church.

Upon arriving, I was exhausted after having worked all day and being on my feet. However, the exhaustion quickly faded when I saw my friends. We ordered in pizza and watched an episode of Naked and Afraid. I have to say that when I'm with Brie, laughter is never an issue. We laughed a lot.

On Sunday, we went to church and David preached a simple, but wonderful sermon on the Gospel and what we're making our gospel. Afterwards, we hung out while David preached at the 2nd service and then headed into Charleston for brunch and walking around the city. Stay tuned for Part II....

Brie, Lyndsay, and me after church

Love my sweet Brie Brie!


Writer's Block, Bloody Mary, and Water (Lyndsay is preggo)

Southern Breakfast Sandwich (bacon, pimento cheese, fried green tomato, fried egg...yeah, no dieting on this trip)

Southerners love our RC

Southern Belle through and through

City Market

First Presbyterian Moncks Corner

Saturday, May 16, 2015

It Still Hurts

You know how you think you're finally over something and then....well, you discover you're really not. Three months ago, my heart was broken into a million pieces. It was much worse than any heartache I'd ever experienced, mainly because the person who did it was a person I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with. I'd never experienced anything like it before. I left a whole world and entered a new one for something I thought was going to be forever.

When you want to believe the best in someone, you will do whatever it takes to prove they are being honest with you. And when you leave something behind that you loved and cherished more than anything else, you will do the same.

I'm still trying to make sense of it all. I don't know if I ever will or if I'm supposed to.

In the midst of my hurt, I've started to take account for things that have happened that might not have happened had all of that ever occurred.

- I get to see my niece as much as I want
- I've made new friends in Jax that I could've never met
- I've seen old friends more often than I think I would have
- I've lost 21 lbs

And I would say I've grown closer to God, but if I'm completely honest, I've been frustrated with Him. Angry is probably a better word. And as someone once told me - "You might as well tell God you're mad at him because he already knows."

So I'm sitting in this. All of it. The hurt with a person who deeply wounded me. The anger and frustration at God and wondering why He had to use such a drastic move to do whatever He's going to do next in my life. The huge hole in my heart that misses my kiddos and my friends in Germany.

If you're a regular reader, please pray for me. I'm just really sad right now and feeling a lot of emotions that I'm trying to work through. I know it won't all go away in a day, but perhaps soon I'll start to see a small glimmer of light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Oh Yeah, I Won

That 8 week challenge I mentioned a few weeks ago?

I won!

20.7lbs and 4% body fat are gone!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

In the Middle of What?

Six months ago if you'd asked me what I thought was going to happen when I got back to the States, I would have never dreamed in a million years that I would be sitting at my parents house, recovering from a broken heart, and trying to figure out two very different kinds of transition.

I don't know what's happening next. I have no clue. But I think, for me, that taking it a day at a time is all I can do right now. 

Maybe I'm just meant to take a year off from teaching next year and finish my Masters, maybe start a new one. Maybe I'm meant to live life in the same city as my family for once and discover what that's like in my thirties. 

I. Don't. Know.

And I think it's OK that I don't know.

We're all living out a story and I'm tired of comparing my story to yours or hers or his. When I do that, I'm only missing out on what my story is telling others.

This has been the hardest two and a half months of my life.