Jesus and I have had a tumultuous relationship in the last five months. When the break-up happened, I was angry at him. "Why did you bring home for nothing??" was my constant question.
But it wasn't for nothing.
I have made some really great friends here in Jax. I've gotten to watch my niece grow up and become a person she gets excited to see. I've gotten involved in a Bible study. I've gotten to see my best friend several times because we are so much closer in distance now. And I'm pretty sure all that prepared me to get a job right here in Jacksonville teaching Drama :)
So for about a week I was reveling in joy and then I found out that my ex had moved on and my heart felt broken all over again. Except this time, instead of asking Jesus "why?" I let him sit in the pain and hurt and rejection with me. I let him comfort me with kindness and remind me that He is in the business of pruning and molding me for what is to come.
Today, I was at boot camp and as I ran in the heat, I started thinking about how much life had changed but changed for the good. And I realized I'm not the person I was when I was with the ex. I'm different now and for all good reasons. I'm reveling in the kindness of Jesus because it is in that kindness that I want him to join me in the suffering.
I'm ready for a new start in this city that I have just discovered that I love. I'm so thankful for my new friends here and the fact that I have started to put down roots. He never does anything without good reason. And while I may not ever understand why He chose the path He chose for me to come back, it's not for me to look back and wonder. Instead, I look ahead to great and awesome things.