Saturday, April 15, 2017

I prefer transient to vagabond.

I guess four months means it's about time I updated this thing.

It's been two years since I moved back to the States. Over two years, I guess. In that time I've moved to three different cities, had five different addresses, and taught at two different schools.

I'm a transient person and I've known that for a long time. Well, since I found out what the word transient meant, anyway.

I've lived on my own since I was 18, when my parents moved from Savannah to Boca Raton and I stayed to finish my senior year of high school. I switched colleges after one year - I wanted to be closer to my parents. So I moved from North Georgia to South Florida and then my parents moved to North Georgia.

I don't regret that decision.

When I moved to Switzerland right after college, I never knew what an impact it would have on me. I didn't know that I would fall in love with a country - I didn't even know that was possible. But I fell and I fell hard. Moving back to Germany in 2006, my heart grew even bigger for a "new" place (I say "new" because it was literally right over the border from Switz).

I didn't want to move back to the States,  but I did and when I went back to Germany in 2012, I just assumed that was it. I would live in Germany for the rest of my life. That lasted for 3 years.

And when I came back to the States in 2015, I thought I was getting married but I didn't and I had to quickly transition from what I thought my life was going to look like to something I never wanted it to look like.

But all of that has brought me to where I am. I'm back in South Florida, back with the sun and the Hurricanes and the Heat (haha). Teaching something I am passionate about to students who are passionate about it.

Yet every night I go to bed and think of Germany and Switzerland. I think of those beautiful trees that line the Black Forest and make Kandern the cozy little place it is. I think about Starbucks in Claraplatz in Basel and how it became a haven for me to go and converse with friends or just to sit and watch the city. I think about day trips to Austria, to the French region of Switz, to little countries like Liechtenstein. I think about how my friends lived down the street from me and where within walking distance to grab a coffee.

Wow. That's a long tangent. Bravo if you're still reading this. All that to say - my life has been transient since I was 18. People ask me if I'm feeling settled in South Florida. "Sort of..." I say with a question mark at the end of that answer because I feel like I've been tossed around the last 2 years so much so that now that I've landed in what I feel will be home for a while, I still don't feel completely settled.

I know every year at a new school is a year of readjustment. It's just that I've had a year of readjustment for 2 years now and it can make one really weary and tired. I pray every night that I can jump ahead and wake up and finally say "Whew. I'm so glad that's over."

Every experience we go through is used for something bigger. The journey created for us was never meant to be easy and carefree. We're given these hardships and transitions to show us something, a lesson to be learned, a moment of "oh that's why I had to do that..."

It still doesn't make it any easier.

So I guess that's what I've been pondering for the last four months. Well, that and I've just been busy with shows and school and life. But...yeah, I think I've been chewing on some stuff and thinking about how often I've had to deal with change and moves and everything.

The transient life is an adventure and one that I was chosen to take when I had no idea what it even was. In the end, I'm glad I've had so many experiences both abroad and back here.

I'm just ready to finally answer "YES!" when someone asks me if I feel settled.

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