I get asked a lot how I'm doing. The response lately has been, "That's a loaded question."
Last night I got home from dinner with a friend and sat down in the kitchen with Christine and Sandra, who were cleaning up from their small group. I began to process with them about how I was really doing, stating over and over again that I really didn't know how I was.
Within five minutes of our conversation, I was crying and opening up about my fears and my excitement for what the next few months would bring. I'm not just saying goodbye to my friends and students at BFA; I'm also saying goodbye to a continent that I've called home off and on for the last 13 years.
Rest assured - I know what I'm doing is the right thing. I have no doubts at all that leaving mid-year, as crazy as it may seem to some, is the best thing for me in order to cultivate my relationship with John.
However, with that comes the inevitable feeling of a loss and the realization that the goodbyes are coming soon.
I know God's going to give me the grace I need to get through these three months here and then the re-entry back into life in America. I know it. But it's still a matter of processing all of that and then being able to respond appropriately to the "How are you doing?" question.
I guess that's how I'm doing.