I'm 35. Sometimes I feel 35. Other times - most times - I feel like I could still be one of the teenagers I work with. Then I hang out with them and realize that, no, I'm most certainly not a teenager anymore. Even though, yes, I agree with them that Josh Hutcherson is cute and I can understand why they swoon over One Direction (hello, the new Nsync).
If living over here and working at an MK school has taught me anything it has taught me that we are ALWAYS growing and learning. Everyday. I have never claimed to be perfect nor have I ever acted like I was. I can sometimes get a little snooty about theatre stuff but I think we can all get a little pretentious over the things that we find important. It has also taught me that sometimes we have to work outside of our giftings. I'm not an administrator. I know that might shock some of you (and I mean that with all the sarcasm it was intended to mean) and when I have to take on that role, it literally makes my head spin in circles. I'm not organized (those of you who know me can stop laughing out loud since you already knew this years ago) and when I pretend to think that I am, it usually blows up in my face.
Yesterday, a friend spoke in Chapel and her message was about the fact that no matter what, God loves us. No matter how we are feeling about ourselves or how we might perceive things, God loves us. He's quite fond of us is how she stated it. My view of God hasn't always been that of a positive thing. Had you asked me in college what I thought of him, I'd probably tell you he was up in heaven shaking his fist at me or that he was quite distant. Sometimes I still feel that way, especially when I have pitted the whole world against me (in my head of course). But the truth is ---he loves me. And as my friend stated yesterday, he even likes me (don't you think sometimes it's easier to say you love someone than like them, especially in Christian circles because let's be honest we know we have to love them? Also, if you are an English teacher reading this, don't judge. I realize I just made that a huge run-on sentence). I am HIS beloved. HIS.
Do you know what the Myers-Briggs test is? If you don't, it's like this really big personality test that I've taken several times and that we are working through here at BFA. I'm an ENFP (Extrovert iNtuitive Feeling Perception). I'm an ENFP to the extreme. Like the ENFP for all ENFPs. My Feeler (the F) is off the charts and I remember an administrator friend of mine telling me a few years ago "be careful. that feeler can get overly sensitive and can get you in trouble." That has happened so many times. But learning to accept that I am a sensitive person and that God likes that about me because he created me to be that way makes me realize that it's OK. The Feeler doesn't define me. God defines me. And I will mess up. I will make mistakes. People won't like me. People will judge me. But in learning that I am loved (and liked) by a big God always helps to put that into perspective.
I hope you know God likes you, too.