Still Transitioning

I don't know why I get it into my head that transition ended in October and life is normal. Ok, maybe I should rephrase that. Life is as normal as it's going to get living in the community that I live in and I love it. But there are a lot of days - especially lately - where I've woken up and it's been difficult to get out of bed. There's not been a lot of sunlight lately and Vitamin D is rather sparse. It has helped to work out weekly with a group of friends in my apartment. Then there are days when I go into Justina's office and lament to her that I feel grouchier or blah-ier than normal. She reminds me, "You're still transitioning." I usually groan and ask her when it ends. When I'll feel all transitioned. It varies. It could be just a few more months. It could be another year or two.

I realize it the most when I'm finished with school and have to go to the bank or the grocery store. And I don't want to go because I don't feel like conversing in German. I don't feel like working up the energy to think in German. I want to walk into the grocery store, head for the familiar, and not have to guess that I'm getting lentils, not barley. I want to be confident and only speak German when I know I'm conjugating correctly and not saying something stupid that translates to, "I wanting that" or something to that equivalent. I think sometimes I just want to magically be able to fluently talk in this other language that has been a part of me for 10 years and not feel like I'm doing something stupid. As most of my German friends have told me, "You know what to say, you're just too scared of messing up." Well, duh!

That's just part of the transition. I haven't even touched on half of it and since this is the third paragraph in this post, I feel that I should probably close, since I probably lost you halfway down. All that to say, as much as I LOVE BFA, my kiddos, living in Germany, and all of that, I'm still in the midst of finding my place in this world of transition that we're all adjusting to. I'm so blessed that God has chosen others to walk alongside me during this time who are also going through the same thing.

Transition is a beast.


  1. First of all, I don't think I felt comfortable going to the store until my second year. But sometimes I still don't want to go. Encouraging, yes?

    Second of all, I think that being afraid (because I don't know German) is my biggest daily stressor. Maybe we should work on that, at least the fear part.

    Third of all, can you come complain in my office once a week? I'll give you coffee....


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