tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84088606890295701762024-02-07T11:07:09.908-08:00There and Back AgainI've lived in Europe on and off since I was 22 years old. This is about the ups and downs of life on a long and fulfilling journeyAllison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.comBlogger338125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-40056005750011958102020-07-05T08:37:00.002-07:002020-07-05T08:37:23.905-07:00Waiting.It occurred to me as I started to type this that I don’t use it much anymore. Probably because ....I forget about it? Or when I have thoughts I don’t know that they’re worth jotting down? I don’t know. I want to get better at this blogging thing.<br />
<br />
Since I last posted (January 2020) everything has changed. We entered some sort of Pandemic that I can only compare to The Hunger Games series. I don’t know what district I’m living in because it seems to change all the time. Then I moved from my apartment to save rent into a house with two friends on the complete opposite side of the city. Then I lost my job and felt as though I’d just been dropped into the world’s darkest pit.<br />
<br />
You see, I loved my kids. I loved watching them perform. I loved watching them “get” the character they’d been assigned and add their own creativity to it. My kids going into 6th grade next year had been with me since 2nd grade and I was excited to watch their journey from elementary into middle school. Not only that, I’d made friends with other Thespian directors around the county. Four of us had formed our own little group of sorts and met every so often to talk about life and our kids and theatre.<br />
<br />
When the rug is pulled out from beneath you, you don’t know what to do first. Or at least that’s been my experience. It’s not the first time I’ve said goodbye to a job I loved. It happened in 2016 when I left Oakleaf because of a stupid math certification exam that I couldn’t pass to save my life. I’d only been there a year and the kids I taught had become like my little family. I’d been at USchool for 4 years so you can imagine my heartache. It wasn’t bigger, it was just different.<br />
<br />
Every morning for the last month, I wake up thinking about my kids. I immediately push those thoughts away because I get sad and I don’t like waking up sad. But I also know I have to be sad and sit in it and mourn. I had so many plans for them next year. I was so excited for those plans. But those plans were never meant to be. And eventually, maybe that will feel normal.<br />
<br />
There are friends of mine who knew I didn’t need to hear the cliche “God has a plan” or “Jeremiah 29:11” quotes. I needed to hear “this sucks” and “I’m sad for you” and didn’t need to say anything other than sit and listen. Of course God has a plan. I know that. And if you’re one of those who said that to me, don’t apologize for it. It’s ok. It’s what we’re taught to say when someone goes through the muck. But just remember next time, you don’t have to say that. Because if anyone understands what it’s like for something to suck, it’s Him.<br />
<br />
Now what? Well, I’m looking at jobs in church ministry. Not theatre! What! I mean, ok if a job in theatre opened and it felt right, I’d apply. But I have a degree from a well-renowned seminary and I’m feeling more of a push to head in that direction right now. And my heart is and always has been for youth and kids. To be there for them as a mentor, a big sister, and a mom-type. Theatre will always be a part of me. I’ve been performing for as long as I can remember and been a director since I was 19. That doesn’t just stop. But right now, maybe I need to turn my attention to a new type of director.<br />
<br />
But I wait. With anticipation? Sometimes. With worry and fear? Sometimes. With excitement? For sure. I wait.<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-41786180439601550342020-01-05T08:21:00.003-08:002020-01-05T08:21:33.839-08:00Time.It's always an interesting idea to me to completely revamp one's life right at the start of the New Year. We all do it. "I'm going to lose weight!" or "I'm going to be a new me and not let mundane things get to me!" or "I'm finally going to have the organizational skills of Marie Kondo!" (that last one was me...note: I've yet to even watch Marie Kondo but I feel like I probably should...that's another post).<br />
<br />
Every year I kind of sit back and think about what it is I want to change in the New Year. The tinier ones - finally do a box jump at 9Round and pass the math certification test- have kind of been on the back burner. This is due to the fact that A. I haven't been to 9Round yet this year (2020) and B. I have no idea when I'll find the time to even start practicing my non-existent math skills.<br />
<br />
There's a bigger "resolution" on the forefront of my mind right now (No, it's not to try and get NSYNC to reunite) and that's investing and listening. Investing in what and listening to who? (is it whom? UGH. Grammar). My love language is quality time and I haven't been given or given to it enough in 2019. I was always rushing and I HATE BEING RUSHED (ask my mother and she will tell you that is my biggest pet peeve...particularly in the morning before I've had coffee). Now, I know that it can't be helped sometimes - we have to rush if we're running late or need to get somewhere before closing time.<br />
<br />
I don't want to rush a conversation because my ADD is kicking in and I have five billion other things on my brain. I don't want to rush a coffee date with a friend because traffic on 95 is going to be a beast and I need to get home and do work. I don't want to rush a phone conversation because I suddenly remembered that there's something else I "need" to do. I think more than anything these days, we need time and space with each other.<br />
<br />
As for the smaller things -the box jump and the math certification - those will come in TIME. But more importantly, I choose time with others as my ultimate resolution.<br />
<br />
Special thanks to my Seminary Sisters (Caroline, Lynds, Brie), Lexi & CB, Linz & Heaf, & Tamz - all of who have made me realize how important this is, whether or not they even realized it.<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-71809058296916925652019-03-22T07:41:00.001-07:002019-03-22T07:41:09.669-07:00The Last ShowTonight and tomorrow will be the last show I'll get to direct with my 8th grade girls. I've kind of been dreading this since they were in 6th grade and each year that passed I'd say "At least I get them two more years" or "At least I get them one more year"....and now I say "At least I got them for 3 years."<br />
<br />
When I first started at USchool, it was chaotic. I'd had to step down from a job in Jacksonville where I absolutely adored the students and felt a change was being made in the theatre department there. But thanks to Certification standards and math, I reluctantly stepped down and started looking again. This job brought me five hours south to a city I'd known quite well both during and after college. I was excited to be living in a bigger city where I knew a few people and was somewhat familiar.<br />
<br />
But I missed those kids in Jax.<br />
<br />
Enter my 6th grade Performing Arts Survey class. These kids were fresh out of 5th grade and a bit skeptical of life in Middle School, just as I was skeptical of everything going on around me. I watched them transform from preteens to teenagers. I watched them go from the Ariana Grande phase to Billie Eilish. I heard all about Shawn Mendes and Riverdale and binging shows on Netflix. I hugged them when they didn't get a role they wanted, talked with them about their future in theatre, and laughed with them about the silliest of things.<br />
<br />
I still get to be their teacher until the end of the year. But that last bow tomorrow night might ache a little knowing that they're not going to be in another show with me, at least as an actor.<br />
<br />
It will be like this every year. The kids in 6th grade now I've had since they were 4th graders. The kids next year I'll have had since they were in 3rd grade. As a teacher, I know that it's something you have to go through - letting these kids move on and up to grow and become even more amazing at their craft - but it still isn't easy.<br />
<br />
I'm beyond grateful that we started Middle School together and grew together and learned together. Maybe I'm even grateful that I know that Shawn Mendes is their generation's Justin Timberlake. But above all, I'm grateful to have been their teacher.<br />
<br />
*cue sappy music*Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-56026034989280385802018-10-11T13:46:00.000-07:002018-10-11T13:46:02.429-07:004030 taught me not to be afraid of a new decade<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
31 taught me to take care of myself</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
32 taught me you're never too old to go back to school</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
33 taught me who my friends were</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
34 taught me there were more layers of life to pull back</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
35 taught me that travel was my heart's desire</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
36 taught me that there are still wolves in sheep's clothing</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
37 taught me to embrace where my roots are</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
38 taught me to bloom where I'm planted</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
39 taught me that age is just a number</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
40....what will you teach me? Is it true I'll start caring less about what people think of me? Is it true you're really the best decade? Is it true you're really the new 30? Why have so many dreaded you in the past? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I guess I'll find out soon. Here's to 40...and all the joy ahead!</div>
Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-37870122094356242782018-03-03T07:41:00.004-08:002018-03-05T10:11:51.918-08:00Why Finland?That was the question I got asked the most before I left and even while I was in the country!<br />
<br />
Why Finland?<br />
<br />
Well...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO1qEeQGhyEJO-qGOk-WEjcgRe2mToDAghZXXuUG348PdbTWESJyCENq_VCKBdhCsK68wAKxRtrMfJ-a3px29tPkrOUqC_o_fm3LEmW3PXSHzWq1E-BBKD_Wuh5fMwEUC89J1zdnJwNp8/s1600/IMG_7958.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO1qEeQGhyEJO-qGOk-WEjcgRe2mToDAghZXXuUG348PdbTWESJyCENq_VCKBdhCsK68wAKxRtrMfJ-a3px29tPkrOUqC_o_fm3LEmW3PXSHzWq1E-BBKD_Wuh5fMwEUC89J1zdnJwNp8/s320/IMG_7958.JPG" width="320" /></a>Clearly because of how ugly it is. I mean, look at this picture. Just disgusting.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Why Finland?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7MDtsPuj80fEUQLvmgKa526JtgkKe-XYLvqnNKTwfG-3rvVV4aKii0fdXl5WUmHYeT0Kn0c2LSKxK3tn4qSgmR4N94FX1yB-_fUrZkBwDHOEfgesMMSFjFoE-axD2kvptWFJVUmiunU0/s1600/ZrbMgCUuSZGFYPgZb%2525i%2525tw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7MDtsPuj80fEUQLvmgKa526JtgkKe-XYLvqnNKTwfG-3rvVV4aKii0fdXl5WUmHYeT0Kn0c2LSKxK3tn4qSgmR4N94FX1yB-_fUrZkBwDHOEfgesMMSFjFoE-axD2kvptWFJVUmiunU0/s320/ZrbMgCUuSZGFYPgZb%2525i%2525tw.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Because obviously the food sucked and the presentation was just ridiculously over the top. Gross.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Why Finland?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-581n_R8jsA5yVVbo_8s5NKZyudy4zhvYR2V9R6aigQnZDgp8gD106ESOLP38fXfWx8cBuODHy823v_wS9sMtq7A9jNw6vTYjSD-2kOhJoFyGTHNu9busUm-q0AOyW7whQsCUWCEZ8E/s1600/IMG_8042.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-581n_R8jsA5yVVbo_8s5NKZyudy4zhvYR2V9R6aigQnZDgp8gD106ESOLP38fXfWx8cBuODHy823v_wS9sMtq7A9jNw6vTYjSD-2kOhJoFyGTHNu9busUm-q0AOyW7whQsCUWCEZ8E/s320/IMG_8042.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Because who doesn't want to get mauled by dangerous huskies such as the one above trying to attack my face while I so obviously encourage it to stop.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Why Finland?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUUmmx96WplcJJLBLl1-mdSeok6pQ-f2HWjkZML_XuD2mSVGNBHCahAx7yWFEwGRpBskLxydrfoQOHmKReADKJoGBc-IxHs-XrJwCyANJn1ognat8ecOKfAyOQYmnoBfBN8lP65tdR5Y0/s1600/IMG_7962.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUUmmx96WplcJJLBLl1-mdSeok6pQ-f2HWjkZML_XuD2mSVGNBHCahAx7yWFEwGRpBskLxydrfoQOHmKReADKJoGBc-IxHs-XrJwCyANJn1ognat8ecOKfAyOQYmnoBfBN8lP65tdR5Y0/s320/IMG_7962.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Cause of these two losers next to me who just had to tag along on the worst trip ever....</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Ok, you have to know by now I'm kidding and being extremely sarcastic. Why Finland? WHY NOT?? </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It first started a year or so ago when I wanted to take a trip to Iceland with friends. And then everyone started going to Iceland because of the cheap flights. I read on a blog or Pinterest or somewhere that Finland was going to get to be the next hot tourist destination in a few years. So I thought, "Well, I'm certainly not a hipster by any means but I could totally do a hipster trip to Finland before it gets popular." So that's what I did.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Brie and Caroline were immediately intrigued. I told them I wanted to hit up the northern lights but that it might be impossible because we'd have to take a flight up north. They were like, "Ok, so let's do that." And we bought the tickets from Helsinki to Ivalo (pronounced EEV-ah-low not Iv AH lo). Then I said, "Estonia is a day trip away by ferry." And Caroline said, "Ok, so let's do that."</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Check out these gross looking pictures of Tallin, Estonia:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBGVXokeBftUjwiYrGR9ZMIRpUzwq-xqoEGNpy4dGqXMYHGJzXzQ0PzKDBKz2g6FSYdnd-IchUmRA6kUiQJC2k3Anam4G6kwjnGQLEW59pMkRpWXyWY7LUSpWh70MgjluszkG7UVTfnUU/s1600/IMG_8108.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBGVXokeBftUjwiYrGR9ZMIRpUzwq-xqoEGNpy4dGqXMYHGJzXzQ0PzKDBKz2g6FSYdnd-IchUmRA6kUiQJC2k3Anam4G6kwjnGQLEW59pMkRpWXyWY7LUSpWh70MgjluszkG7UVTfnUU/s320/IMG_8108.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUBr6oszMGUPET4CmBhQ0Q7NIfe6H9VenXKwhSUhNrr9Gm7oBay9ZOgK8FonhlxvBgseM2qCpe1rNUIFtiNgsr7JwxmiaDTwRFmAWoDG81IkxrSiUHI08dvlIS5QE6s5rPPOsTUZgMtek/s1600/IMG_8110.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUBr6oszMGUPET4CmBhQ0Q7NIfe6H9VenXKwhSUhNrr9Gm7oBay9ZOgK8FonhlxvBgseM2qCpe1rNUIFtiNgsr7JwxmiaDTwRFmAWoDG81IkxrSiUHI08dvlIS5QE6s5rPPOsTUZgMtek/s320/IMG_8110.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglkbk6GdrxhNjPDnKfqQgWUarNz44jM9WL1NejGgPmHgXJahxO9eceaB9IrFJcThQ4VxmOGVPViEOeYN8j_xup2nebp2Xd15s694XRmZKXIr5x2CYgtAjdP5qf_1l0gpKqOgH_olA6fz0/s1600/IMG_8111.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglkbk6GdrxhNjPDnKfqQgWUarNz44jM9WL1NejGgPmHgXJahxO9eceaB9IrFJcThQ4VxmOGVPViEOeYN8j_xup2nebp2Xd15s694XRmZKXIr5x2CYgtAjdP5qf_1l0gpKqOgH_olA6fz0/s320/IMG_8111.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-a52fsmK1w124g6KqzhyJ6x3Q5GOw4jjLxxpiQnvzsmQWKvehaTgPGYeK6uyYi0-OEMf0cttmx4aNzGK75LJTt7ENTj_RLsZ8EKs8_0XB3eDkPD_RrMDphVlHKHBqdxalYkienG5g8Yc/s1600/IMG_8112.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-a52fsmK1w124g6KqzhyJ6x3Q5GOw4jjLxxpiQnvzsmQWKvehaTgPGYeK6uyYi0-OEMf0cttmx4aNzGK75LJTt7ENTj_RLsZ8EKs8_0XB3eDkPD_RrMDphVlHKHBqdxalYkienG5g8Yc/s320/IMG_8112.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Ugh, disgusting, right? Why Estonia?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
(Sarcasm again haha)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
So, then we started planning and reading up and before we knew it, we were sitting in our cozy little AirBnB flat in the middle of the Design District of Helsinki. We did everything and saw everything and ate everything. And even despite the evening that we waited and waited for the northern lights to appear and played all sorts of card games and drank hot wine, the wait was worth it. See below the pic a new friend took for us of the northern lights:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrHR8hK2Z-uk3CcUKYP9y0U-erKaQ-eOFRqco08bhPcpCwL0g0gB-acwc66w-i1fAV5OT5J70XEW3CG0OidqbprGLpcZkaHO1UcgOGIFzioUhhNUvLDzWe5EB3PYneB2bUuoEDCFid7sA/s1600/IMG_8132.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1060" data-original-width="1600" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrHR8hK2Z-uk3CcUKYP9y0U-erKaQ-eOFRqco08bhPcpCwL0g0gB-acwc66w-i1fAV5OT5J70XEW3CG0OidqbprGLpcZkaHO1UcgOGIFzioUhhNUvLDzWe5EB3PYneB2bUuoEDCFid7sA/s320/IMG_8132.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
So now our trip is done and over. We've been back now for a week and the whole time we've been on our group chat talking about how we wish we were back in Helsinki together because it really was the trip of a lifetime.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
So, why Finland? If you're still not convinced by any of what I've said, then I can't help you ;) </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-3217590158519132322017-12-29T03:54:00.001-08:002017-12-29T03:54:35.580-08:00Back in the MotherlandIt's interesting to be back in a place where joy and heartache were so prevalent for me, sometimes all at once, sometimes intermittently. Walking around Kandern I'm reminded of the excitement felt when it was time for small group to begin, when I would walk to Rachel's and Amy's house for tea, when I would see Lexi at the grocery store, when I would watch <i>The Bachelor </i>with CB, Erin, Lexi, Lauren, et al and drink wine and laugh about Tommy being the next Bachelor.<br />
<br />
I'm reminded of the sweet relationships I had with my students. The random knocks on the door for a chat and hot chocolate. The tears shed on my couch about boys, missing their parents, and just life. The sweet chats with Jen on her couch and drinking her spiced tea while I spilled my guts to her about all I was experiencing.<br />
<br />
Then I think about the last 3 months I lived here. The most bittersweet months in my life I think. I was going back for a reason, for a purpose or so I thought. And in the back of my mind I wondered if he was really going to appreciate me once I moved back. And when he didn't and broke my heart, I mourned for my sweet Kandern. For the people I'd left, the country I'd fallen in love with, and the little town that held my heart.<br />
<br />
I worried for a long time - up until very recently- if people here were mad at me for leaving the way I did. Because I left them in haste. I thought I was supposed to do it that way. I thought I was leaving for someone who loved me as much as I loved them. And I was supposed to do it that way. And when it didn't happen and when he told me he didn't care that I'd left a whole entire other life behind, I had to pick up the pieces and start to talk about it openly.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, Rachel and I went to get coffee and catch up. We talked about the past, about the decision I made to leave when I did and how I wished I could have taken it back and finished the year off. Rachel said something so profound, so real, and something I needed to hear. In so many words "Don't regret something you did with the knowledge you had at the time you did it."<br />
<br />
The knowledge I had three years ago was that I had met someone, that someone wanted me back in the States, that someone didn't want to do long distance, that someone wanted to marry me. It made sense. And now looking back at all of it, no, he didn't love me, no, he didn't care where I had to come from to make his life simple, no, he didn't want to marry me. So I gave up everything and he gave up nothing. But again - the knowledge I had then told me to go and do this.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I ask God "Why did you have to do it that way?" It was painful and it hurt to leave this lovely little place with the amazing people and the students who taught me more than I ever imagined. God is mysterious. God does things that I'll never be able to explain and this was one of many of them.<br />
<br />
Today as I type this out, I'm at peace. I realize that my time here was just that - a time. And nobody is mad or upset. They understood. They know God is unpredictable and uses what He will to get us where we need to be.<br />
<br />
It's good to be back in Kandern.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-72027087253979082892017-12-19T08:14:00.003-08:002017-12-19T08:15:05.668-08:00I Didn't Want to Admit it but......I'm actually starting to feel at home in South Florida.<br />
<br />
I know, I know...I never thought anywhere could feel like home again. Kandern and Basel were as close as it had gotten for me to feel that I belonged anywhere.<br />
<br />
"You move around a lot." Yeah, I know. Some of that by choice, some by circumstance, all of it by divine providence.<br />
<br />
I've now been in South Florida longer than anywhere else in the last 2 1/2 years since being back in the States. As per usual, I started getting restless 3 months into being here last year and started wondering if I should just go back to Germany, try and find a job back in Jacksonville, anything but try and sprout roots.<br />
<br />
Then, somehow it happened that I got more comfortable. I started making friends, renewing friendships from the past here, and found a church home.<br />
<br />
Yes, I still miss Kandern and Basel. Yes, I'm still sad I don't get to see my nieces growing up as much as I'd like. Yes, I miss my friends from all over the place. But I think I can admit that I'm here for a reason and that it's more than just seasonal.<br />
<br />
It's nice to finally be able to breathe and relax and know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be....and longer than a year and a half ;)Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-51366361303400997472017-10-11T18:46:00.001-07:002017-10-11T18:46:10.439-07:00#39The last year of my 30s<br />
<br />
I have learned so much in the past 9 years<br />
<br />
I grew up<br />
<br />
I traveled<br />
<br />
I went back to school<br />
<br />
I lived in Boston<br />
<br />
I lived in Germany (again)<br />
<br />
I fell in love<br />
<br />
I had my heart broken<br />
<br />
I became an aunt<br />
<br />
I discovered so much about myself, about others, about life.<br />
<br />
39, I hope you are the best of the best of my 30s.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-20471715068047025772017-09-16T10:09:00.002-07:002017-09-16T10:09:19.063-07:00I Suck at BloggingThe title says it all. I suck at this. So why do I still do it? I dunno. Maybe in hopes that someone comes across it and is like "OMG this is brilliant! Where is this woman? She's amazing! She should be on Ellen promoting this!" (Have I mentioned I have a fantastic imagination?)<br />
<br />
Ok so this is how summer ended up for me -<br />
<br />
-I did a five week theatre camp whereupon my little campers aged 8-13 performed Rodgers and Hammerstein's <i>Cinderella</i>. Overall a fun and exhausting five weeks.<br />
<br />
-I went to NYC for a Theatre Workshop and learned choreography from <i>Hamilton. </i>I have no pictures of me personally doing this, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I also saw some awesome shows. It had been a while since I'd been to NYC (because living in Europe kind of limited me) so it was good to be back.<br />
<br />
-I spent time with my nieces who are just so much fun. I LOVE BEING AN AUNT!<br />
<br />
-I went on a cruise with my dear friend, Anne. We crawled and hiked through a cave. Yes, I did. I can do outdoors when I need to<br />
<br />
And then school started back up and life has been just as busy as it was last year. I still suck at blogging but I'm keeping it here because why not?<br />
<br />
Anyway, here's to a new school year and more blog posts (I hope).Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-91951104654305909272017-06-26T17:41:00.000-07:002017-06-26T17:41:51.169-07:00From the HeartSingleness is hard.<br />
<br />
I say this after having just had a heart to heart conversation with a dear friend of mine from Gordon-Conwell.<br />
<br />
Singleness is hard.<br />
<br />
Yes, I did repeat that because it's true.<br />
<br />
I can count on one hand and a half (so, like seven fingers) friends of mine who are single like me and who, like me, are wondering lately WHAT GIVES?<br />
<br />
It's hard when I know my ex has moved on, is probably getting married soon, and here I am - alone.<br />
<br />
It's difficult when most all of my friends around me are married, have a growing family, and I'm here still holding onto a dream that I hope God will fulfill.<br />
<br />
Singles hear all the time a few of the following things - "....God knows the desires of your heart" or "...when you least expect it" or "Well maybe you are learning a lesson as a single person."<br />
<br />
I want to be as blunt but as sweet as possible - please stop saying that to us. Maybe you mean well, but it comes across as flippant, cliche, or that you really just don't know what else to say.<br />
<br />
We know God knows our heart, we know it could happen when we least expect it... and talk about lessons learned. We've been able to do a lot of things those married friends might have not gotten to do. But that still does not lessen the blow that we want to be married.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I feel like I'll be OK as a single the rest of my life. Like today I carted three heavy bags of groceries up to my apartment and I was sweating like a pig but I immediately thought, "GIRL POWER! I DID THAT ON MY OWN!"<br />
<br />
But other times, I wish I didn't have to do it on my own.<br />
<br />
Look, I'm not writing this blog to get a pity party thrown. I'm just being honest. And I'm certainly NOT begrudging any of you married friends. I love you. You're my girls (and boys) and I wouldn't be where I am without your presence in my life all these years.<br />
<br />
It's just that I'm tired of this empty feeling in my heart that aches from time to time. More often than not as of late.<br />
<br />
I have a piece of art on my coffee table that a former student made for me. It simply says, "It will be a good story later." I know that all of this - ALL OF IT - is included in my journey for a purpose and a reason. I don't have to like it right now. I don't have to like it ever, really.<br />
<br />
But it will be a good story later on.<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-54127890127270084302017-05-31T07:03:00.002-07:002017-05-31T07:03:31.877-07:00Almost a YearThe school year ends next week and I've done a lot of reflecting on the last school year here at USchool. I fought so hard to stay at Oakleaf and be with those kids who were so special to me. I fought to be their theatre teacher, to build a department, to continue building a Thespian troupe. When it was stripped from me, I was broken once more. I had lost students yet again.<br />
<br />
Or so I thought.<br />
<br />
This year has been hard but it's been good at the same time. I've been able to utilize a stage that I could have only dreamed about before. I gained a whole new group of Jr. Thespians. We went on to take a One Act to State, score a myriad of Superiors, and bond like a family.<br />
<br />
I miss those kids at Oakleaf and they'll always hold a special place in my heart. But I'm so thankful for what happened, even if I wouldn't have chosen to leave on my own.<br />
<br />
After almost a year I'm in my own place, Ft. Lauderdale is starting to feel more like home, and I'm getting into a routine. I have "my" grocery store, "my" gym, "my" places that make it more like a city I'm familiar with.<br />
<br />
When your rug gets snatched from under you, there's a reason. I promise. You may not see it at first but give it time and watch and see how you flourish.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-34991358224584347812017-05-09T13:48:00.000-07:002017-05-09T13:48:31.215-07:00PhotosToday I made a photo album (finally) of my time in Kandern. As I was scrolling through the particular ones I wanted, my heart started to ache and I began to miss my friends and students once again. I think the hardest part for me right now is that I haven't talked to a lot of these friends on a regular basis like I thought I would. Many have gotten married or just simply lost touch, as is what happens when life goes on.<br />
<br />
The time I had in Kandern was so sweet and precious. I miss it everyday and it's never far from my mind. I can't believe almost five years have come and gone so quickly. The students I had as sophomores will start their junior year of college in the fall. My little sixth grade babies will be juniors in high school.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I feel as though I've been forgotten in the time that's come and gone. I know Kandern isn't the same for everyone because we all had different experiences. But when I look at the pictures of my time there, I am reminded of just how blessed I was to get a taste of what real community looks like.<br />
<br />
I miss you, sweet Kandern. You're never far from my heart.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-27351711156030386512017-04-15T20:51:00.000-07:002017-04-15T20:52:27.120-07:00I prefer transient to vagabond. I guess four months means it's about time I updated this thing.<br />
<br />
It's been two years since I moved back to the States. Over two years, I guess. In that time I've moved to three different cities, had five different addresses, and taught at two different schools.<br />
<br />
I'm a transient person and I've known that for a long time. Well, since I found out what the word transient meant, anyway.<br />
<br />
I've lived on my own since I was 18, when my parents moved from Savannah to Boca Raton and I stayed to finish my senior year of high school. I switched colleges after one year - I wanted to be closer to my parents. So I moved from North Georgia to South Florida and then my parents moved to North Georgia.<br />
<br />
I don't regret that decision.<br />
<br />
When I moved to Switzerland right after college, I never knew what an impact it would have on me. I didn't know that I would fall in love with a country - I didn't even know that was possible. But I fell and I fell hard. Moving back to Germany in 2006, my heart grew even bigger for a "new" place (I say "new" because it was literally right over the border from Switz).<br />
<br />
I didn't want to move back to the States, but I did and when I went back to Germany in 2012, I just assumed that was it. I would live in Germany for the rest of my life. That lasted for 3 years.<br />
<br />
And when I came back to the States in 2015, I thought I was getting married but I didn't and I had to quickly transition from what I thought my life was going to look like to something I never wanted it to look like.<br />
<br />
But all of that has brought me to where I am. I'm back in South Florida, back with the sun and the Hurricanes and the Heat (haha). Teaching something I am passionate about to students who are passionate about it.<br />
<br />
Yet every night I go to bed and think of Germany and Switzerland. I think of those beautiful trees that line the Black Forest and make Kandern the cozy little place it is. I think about Starbucks in Claraplatz in Basel and how it became a haven for me to go and converse with friends or just to sit and watch the city. I think about day trips to Austria, to the French region of Switz, to little countries like Liechtenstein. I think about how my friends lived down the street from me and where within walking distance to grab a coffee.<br />
<br />
Wow. That's a long tangent. Bravo if you're still reading this. All that to say - my life has been transient since I was 18. People ask me if I'm feeling settled in South Florida. "Sort of..." I say with a question mark at the end of that answer because I feel like I've been tossed around the last 2 years so much so that now that I've landed in what I feel will be home for a while, I still don't feel completely settled.<br />
<br />
I know every year at a new school is a year of readjustment. It's just that I've had a year of readjustment for 2 years now and it can make one really weary and tired. I pray every night that I can jump ahead and wake up and finally say "Whew. I'm so glad that's over."<br />
<br />
Every experience we go through is used for something bigger. The journey created for us was never meant to be easy and carefree. We're given these hardships and transitions to show us something, a lesson to be learned, a moment of "oh that's why I had to do that..."<br />
<br />
It still doesn't make it any easier.<br />
<br />
So I guess that's what I've been pondering for the last four months. Well, that and I've just been busy with shows and school and life. But...yeah, I think I've been chewing on some stuff and thinking about how often I've had to deal with change and moves and everything.<br />
<br />
The transient life is an adventure and one that I was chosen to take when I had no idea what it even was. In the end, I'm glad I've had so many experiences both abroad and back here.<br />
<br />
I'm just ready to finally answer "YES!" when someone asks me if I feel settled.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-89685078124582816812016-12-22T19:20:00.000-08:002016-12-22T19:20:28.301-08:00Deutschland Christmas markets were something I looked forward to all year long when living abroad. I had a list of the ones that were my favorites, the ones with the best glühwein (Strasbourg), the ones that had the best ornament selection (Colmar), and the ones that transported me into a magical Christmas fairytale-like land (Basel, Dresden, Vienna) and gave me the feeling of anticipation about the holiday season. On Black Friday in Kandern, we would pile into someone's car and drive to Colmar or Strasbourg or Freiburg and spend the evening sipping hot wine and eating all sorts of delectable goodies while wandering around these more or less magical little shops filled to the brim with ornaments and so much Christmas, it almost made you wonder if Santa Claus himself had set up all the shops.<br />
<br />
So naturally on Monday when I heard about the attack at the Christmas market, I was stunned. Not because I didn't expect it - in fact, I had wondered when it would eventually happen at a Christmas market- but because I knew people in Berlin, knew what it was like to innocently walk around those markets without a care in the world, except that of being able to find the car in the busy parking garages.<br />
<br />
The market that was chosen was in one of the most touristy places in Berlin. I've not been to Berlin during the Christmas season, but I've been in that area before and I can remember what it looks like from memory. I kept thinking about those tourists, who, just like me, wanted to go out for a lovely evening of Christmas. Perhaps they were sipping on a glühwein or about to purchase an ornament for a loved one back home. I've been there doing that exact thing. The last thing on my mind would have been an attack.<br />
<br />
I've been talking to my friend Brie who works with GEM in Berlin. She told me the day after the attack she felt compelled to go to the site and pray. I told her to do it if she felt so lead. When she arrived, there was a prayer vigil being held with leaders of the country. She told me she was so glad she had gone.<br />
<br />
Today, I got a text from her and she told me she and her friends had a fondue party tonight with their small group. Among their group included three guests - two Syrians and one Iranian. I immediately smiled when I read it. In the midst of all of the chaos and the tragedy and the "yuck" in our world, there was unity happening.<br />
<br />
Every night and every morning I've woken up with my other home country on my heart and mind. I've been praying for wisdom and peace among the leaders of Germany and the EU.<br />
<br />
It's all I can do from over here. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-57883867132122790112016-12-13T11:04:00.000-08:002016-12-13T11:04:30.170-08:00Joy.That is just one word to describe the weekend. My kids went into this competition wanting to take our One Act to State competition. I went into it praying we'd at least get a Superior for all of the work put into it.<br />
<br />
We were sitting together on Saturday night at the Best in Show Ceremony. They were flashing who got All Star Cast, Excellents, and Superiors. I was looking down at my phone when they flashed State Selected One Acts. I glanced up and saw <i>Fire Exit</i> (actually they had spelled it THE Fire Exit but whatever) and did a double-take.<br />
<br />
I looked over at my kids who were screaming and jumping up and down and I started to cry. For many reasons.<br />
<br />
I cried because obviously this was a good thing. A very good thing. Something that I had only hoped would happen inside. And it had happened. And we're going to State.<br />
<br />
I cried because the last four months have been hard. I've missed my kids at OHS. I've missed my kids in Kandern. I've missed living close to family. I've missed my friends. I've missed familiarity. And I hate transition. And let's face it - I've been transitioning since I came back to the States 2 years ago because it seems every six months, something else happens.<br />
<br />
But this weekend was confirmation that it was all worth it.<br />
<br />
I still miss those things and those people. But there's a new peace inside that has given me hope to know that this is where I was supposed to end up. All of the tears, all of the "why God why's" and let's not forget all of those moves, were worth it.<br />
<br />
I know there's still a lot of hardship ahead because this is life and life isn't supposed to be easy or fair.<br />
<br />
But in that moment on Saturday night, the joy that filled my heart was something I haven't felt in a long time.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-78759012986232241812016-10-17T17:59:00.000-07:002016-10-17T17:59:28.353-07:00I Miss Home<div>
I miss fall.</div>
<div>
I miss pumpkin festivals.</div>
<div>
I miss students stopping by my house for coffee.</div>
<div>
I miss walking to my friends houses.</div>
<div>
I miss long walks in the fields behind the school.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've been thinking a lot about Kandern today. I saw Ashleigh's blog post and knew I had to finish this one. And last night, Hannah Jane posted a beautiful piece of art work that reminded me I'm just in the middle of transition once again.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know things are different in Kandern now. Students have graduated. Kids who were in middle school when I started are about to finish their last year. And I often feel that I'm forgotten now. I've done so much since I left in just a year and so months. I've had 3 different jobs and I've moved 3 times.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So many things changed. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am blessed by Hannah Jane. I am blessed by Ashleigh. I am blessed by Ellie. By Lizzie. By Megan. By Carl. By Joey. By Abby. By Anna. By Anna Summer. By Audrey. By Emmalee. By countless other students who changed my heart for the better in the time I got to be their teacher. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But I miss home. </div>
Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-17696258000602999582016-09-19T17:53:00.002-07:002016-09-19T17:53:50.514-07:00The Importance of CommunityThis weekend my friend Brittanie from GCTS came into town with her family. I hadn't seen her since I left MA in 2012 so we had a lot of catching up to do. At dinner on Saturday evening, she said something that really resonated with me. She said she missed the community at GCTS and asked me if the community at BFA was anything like that.<br />
<br />
It sort of struck me that that was what had been missing in my life for almost two years. While in MA, I lived on campus while I was at grad school and had a plethora of friends who lived down the hall or around the corner. When I moved to Germany, my friends were within walking distance of my apartment. So for a total of four years, I was never without a community of friends within walking distance.<br />
<br />
Last year when I moved to Jacksonville, I tried desperately to find that same type of community that I'd grown so used to, but in a big city, it's hard for that to happen. I know it will never be like it was at GCTS and especially in Kandern. As I'm trying to find my way around South Florida again, I am yearning to find that group, that community, who will fill this void I've felt since I moved back. And I know it takes time to transition somewhere, but I can't help but yearn somewhat for the days when some of my dearest friends lived across the street from me.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-23176331395571454582016-08-05T05:10:00.000-07:002016-08-05T05:10:00.626-07:00Random Musings about Europe and Travel Sitting in Brie's living room and listening to a British solo artist while sipping on coffee. It's a lazy day and my last full day in Europe (unless you count traveling tomorrow which I don't). I've been to Berlin before, so I don't feel that I'm missing out on many of the touristy spots.<br />
<br />
Plenty of people have asked me before what it is that I like about being in Europe. It takes me a while to think about "what" b/c I have so many things I love about being over here. For one thing, I don't mind the smell of smoke. I know it's killing us all slowly. But there's something comforting about smelling cigarette smoke and feeling at home. I know this is super odd. And in America it's completely different. But I digress.<br />
<br />
It makes me sad that Europe is now seen as "unsafe." I feel like the world in general is unsafe. But we can't live in fear. We can't let this hold us back. Those of us who love travel, we must continue to travel and see the world.<br />
<br />
I'm excited to see my family and I'm excited for what is ahead with my new job, but there is a big part of my heart left on this continent and there always will be. I will never be done with Europe or seeing the world.<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-26398559342484827312016-07-31T05:12:00.001-07:002016-07-31T05:12:24.768-07:00European. Traveling. For the last 13 days, I've been traveling Europe. The first 10 days, I was with a group from OHS. We landed in Ireland and from there went on to Wales, London, and Paris. For someone who has lived overseas three times, it was funny to hear these following statements:<br />
<br />
"I miss ice in my drink!" (I never missed ice. In face, I can easily drink a glass of water without ice)<br />
"I miss air conditioning!" (Yeah, me too. But you get used to it. Or maybe I have. Or perhaps I'm just remembering that one sweltering summer in Kandern where we traveled to the Alps to cool off)<br />
"I miss real ketchup!" (I guess the ketchup over here is a bit sweet. To me, it tasted delightful)<br />
<br />
The things that were a constant missing need for the students were things I didn't think twice about. Sure, it was hot. Sure, the drinks could be lukewarm. But for me, it made me feel right at home.<br />
<br />
I landed in Krakow on Thursday and have been going nonstop since then. My first day in town, I grabbed dinner at a lovely little hole in the wall spot that was filled with locals eating delicious Polish cuisine. I walked around the crowded town square (World Youth Day is also in town) and then headed back to my apartment for an early night.<br />
<br />
On Friday, I went to the former Jewish ghetto to tour the Schindler Factory. The display from the inside is something to see. It's a whole exhibition on Jewish life and culture in Krakow pre and post-war. The tour took about 2 hours and when I was finished, it had started to drizzle outside. The streets were a mass of people and walking back towards town, all I could think about was getting coffee and some lunch as it was well after four by then.<br />
<br />
I stumbled across this pub just after the Old Town and indulged in a coffee, steak tar tar, and pierogis. For someone who normally enjoys being around people, I have savored these meals that are just me and myself.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was probably the most stressful part of this time in Krakow. I wanted to be up bright and early b/c I knew Auschwitz would be super busy due to World Youth Day. It took me an hour to get to the train station b/c of so many people in the streets. By the time I got there, the earliest train I could get was at 10:26, which meant I had a good two hours to spare. I ended up getting a coffee and taking advantage of free wifi while I waited.<br />
<br />
The train journey took exactly two hours. I walked as fast as I could to Auschwitz and was met with a line that was forever long. But since this is the main reason I even came to Krakow in the first place, I got in the back of the line and waited. Standing in front of me, were two people and I heard them speaking English so I asked them how long they had waited. We ended up talking for the rest of the line (a total of an hour and some minutes) and then were put in the same tour group. Simon and Isobel. What gems!<br />
<br />
I can't even begin to describe Auschwitz. I had been reading about Auschwitz for as long as I can remember. I've watched documentaries, read personal accounts, and follow their updates on social media. But I was here. I was looking at that famous "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign that you always see in the pictures. I've been to Dachau, but there was nothing that could have prepared me for Auschwitz.<br />
<br />
I think the most sobering experience was seeing the pots and kettles that people brought with them. Our guide reiterated to us over and over again that these people had no idea they were stepping into death. They simply thought they were being relocated in the East. So they brought everything with them, including their dishes. Something else that was tragic was seeing the faces of these prisoners who died mere weeks or months upon entering Auschwitz. I took a picture of four women, one of which was just 18 when she died. I know that there were younger victims, but seeing her face and putting faces and names in for these prisoners was humbling.<br />
<br />
Some of you might know that Auschwitz is broken up in two parts - Auschwitz 1 and Auschwitz II which is Birkenau. We took a bus over to the other camp and it made me gasp at the sheer size of it. It was huge. You always hear that it was huge, but until you see it......wow. I tried to put myself in their place. I tried to imagine being taken away from my family. I cringed to think that little children were separated from their mothers without ever being able to tell them goodbye. I can't imagine being hauled off to an unknown place, told you were taking a shower, and then suffocating to death.<br />
<br />
It's incomprehensible and one of those sites that you really can't describe unless you go. So. I'll leave it at that.<br />
<br />
This morning, I woke up and was beyond exhausted. My feet hurt, my back hurt, everything hurt! This was another reason I was glad to be by myself. There was no rush. In fact, I went out and grabbed a coffee from the grocery across the street, then came back and read and piddled around before going out for lunch (I found salad praise the baby!).<br />
<br />
I'm still pretty worn out and since I'm here for yet another week, I've decided to take it easy and not really venture out until later this evening. Not to mention, once I get back to the States, I won't have any time to relax as I start work on the 8th!<br />
<br />
This trip has been wonderful. I forgot how much I love traveling alone. It gives you a sense of who you are, it makes you appreciate the small things, and it shows you that you can do more than you think on your own.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-3627695136056929312016-06-22T14:23:00.000-07:002016-06-22T14:23:09.040-07:00ThereWow, twice in a month is rare for me to blog. But I had some extra time on my hands so I figured, why not?<br />
<br />
In less than a month, I'll be one of three leaders on a trip to Europe. We're going to Ireland, Wales, England, and France for a total of eleven days. If that wasn't already awesome enough, I decided to extend my trip by 9 days and visit Kraków, Poland for 5 and see Brie in Berlin for 4.<br />
<br />
Because of the math test looming over my head, it's been hard for me to get excited about anything. But sometimes, when I allow myself to think and ponder, I get almost giddy inside thinking of being in Europe for three weeks. I think that as excited as I am about traveling with some of my kiddos and friends, is getting to explore Kraków. I've even made a Pinterest board about places I want to go and see.<br />
<br />
A lot of people have been like, "Poland? Really?" Yeah, I know. Most people if given the chance would probably pick a more exotic location like Capri or Malaga, but I've always been fascinated with this country, particularly the city that holds so much of the history of the Holocaust and World War II. And I'm also excited to explore by myself and rediscover the nomad within.<br />
<br />
Some of you know that I have a goal of 40 countries by the time I turn 40. That leaves me a little less than 2 1/2 years (oh. my. gosh.) to get to 9 more countries. Here's what's on my list:<br />
<br />
-Iceland<br />
-Sweden<br />
-Finland<br />
-Estonia<br />
-Latvia<br />
-Russia<br />
-China<br />
-S. Korea<br />
-Australia<br />
-New Zealand<br />
-Brazil<br />
-Argentina<br />
-Chile<br />
<br />
There's definitely more I could list, but these countries are the top places I would like to hit before my 40th. Or at least have 9 of them knocked out.<br />
<br />
Any travel buddies to accompany me?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-64066743143072186632016-06-15T07:08:00.001-07:002016-06-15T07:08:10.708-07:00peace.I only lived in Orlando about a total of six weeks. My time there was pretty rough, as most of you know. However, after the events of this week, I cannot imagine how people living there must be feeling right now after the tragedies that happened this week.<br />
<br />
I wasn't really a fan of Christina Grimmie. I knew who she was because of <i>The Voice</i>, but I didn't really follow her or listen to her music. Yet when I heard of her tragic passing, I was in shock. The news reports said that there wasn't heightened security because of the audience she attracted. I'll be the first to admit that had I been younger, I totally would have been a fan and perhaps had gone to her concert there. You guys know I love pop music and the concerts I've attended in the past were very much like the one she did. I can't imagine having to witness that.<br />
<br />
And then of course the shooting at Pulse. Many of my friends and students are in the LGBTQ community. As much as this tragedy shook our country and our world, my friends were shaken even more. I had friends of friends who lost someone. I had a sweet conversation with a friend and his husband who told me they hugged their family a little tighter that day. My heart breaks and every morning I have woken up with these victims' families on my mind. All I can do is pray that our sweet Heavenly Father will comfort them and they will feel the presence of the Almighty.<br />
<br />
But this morning, I woke up to news that a little boy had been tragically attacked by an alligator at Disney World. Next to Germany, Disney is my favorite place on earth. My niece is almost 2, the same age of the little boy. I don't want to even imagine what that would be like. That poor family. It's just too much to even bear.<br />
<br />
In each of these situations, I want to do something. But I'm helpless and the only thing I can do is sit and pray and wait. I don't know if our world will ever get better. If I rely on people and politicians to make it a better place, I know I will be very disappointed because a person cannot change an entire system. So I rely on Jesus. I rely on the Holy Spirit. I rely on the Heavenly Father. If I rely on anyone else, I'll be devastated.<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-62578664284086463342016-04-23T06:05:00.001-07:002016-04-23T06:05:13.091-07:00It's Been a Year and Four Months...since I left Kandern. And I think about those kids all the time. If you're following me on Facebook, you know that I am enjoying my job and have found a whole new brood of students to call "my kiddos." But those loved ones at BFA are always on my heart and mind.<br />
<br />
It's a different world I teach in now. Just yesterday a student left my classroom excited to tell me that her doctor wasn't going to let her carry her baby full term and she would be delivering soon. I smiled and told her I would come visit her in the hospital if time allowed. When she left, I stared at the door and started to think about my kids at BFA and how their issues were totally opposite of the ones I hear of now. I've thought about Abby and Phoebe and Hudson - the students who would be my new stars now in shows. I've thought about Liz and Abby and how when I would finish a long rehearsal on a Monday night going to their house to watch "Amazing Race" with their family. Of course I've thought of my mentor, Jen, and having spiced tea on her couch while the world passed us by outside. And the Martin family, who always "adopted" more kids and made their kitchen a safe haven for those of us who just needed to vent.<br />
<br />
I've thought about my little green house I shared with Justina and then Christine. I've thought about the lazy Saturdays spent watching movies or endless television shows with them. I've thought about the walks to and from the grocery store and running into students or colleagues while I had on no make-up and had literally just rolled out of bed and needed to get to the store to stock up before it closed.<br />
<br />
I've thought about Tuesday nights my first year and watching episodes of "The Bachelor" with so many people who, like me, aren't even there anymore. I've thought about road trips to Switzerland, Italy, Austria, and eastern Germany. Planning trips to countries I'd only dreamed of seeing but were then so much a part of my reality.<br />
<br />
BFA will always be where a big part of my heart lies. I am content now, here, in Jacksonville. But so many days I wake up and wonder what's going on over there. Recent pictures make my heart smile but also I twinge a bit with jealousy because I'm not there and my life is on a completely different path now than it was in Germany.<br />
<br />
I'm excited for everything that is happening in the future here. I do love what I do and the students I teach. But that little town nestled in the Black Forest holds so many precious people and memories that it will be hard to ever replace it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-36968999427622050642016-01-14T13:40:00.002-08:002016-01-14T13:40:30.547-08:00New Years Post...a few weeks lateNormally, I post a New Years blog a day or so after or before the New Year. It seems like everything else took a backseat (i.e. I just took my Christmas Tree down today) because the day after Christmas, I went to Kandern for a week and when I got back, jet lag and school took over my life.<br />
<br />
How should I describe 2015? So many words come to mind. I think of the anticipation of last year starting and what I was expecting. I think of the disappointment, the heartbreak, the sadness, of what really came to be only six weeks after returning to the States. I think of the redemption and the freedom that came a few months after all of that happened. I made new friends, I became more confident in who I was as a person, and I still got to teach what I'm passionate about.<br />
<br />
This year had more lows than highs, but looking back, the lows were overshadowed by the sweet friendships made during that time.<br />
<br />
I love where I live now. It's a brand new apartment in a great part of Jacksonville. I can walk to the grocery store, which I love because it reminds me of living in Europe.<br />
<br />
I miss Europe. I miss it a lot. I don't know if I'll ever get to live there again. But it holds my heart in a way nothing else does. But I know that God gives us what we need when we need it and I needed to grow up over there to flourish over here. That's kind of my thinking, anyway.<br />
<br />
2016 I hope is a year of more growth, of more depth and understanding of my journey, and a continual realization of who I am becoming as I walk in it.<br />
<br />
Life is nothing that I expected a year ago and I say that a lot but only because it's true. But life is never what we expect, is it?<br />
<br />
<br />Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-39359563301160304882015-12-23T12:43:00.004-08:002015-12-23T12:43:53.757-08:00Christmas Eve Eve 2015A year ago today I landed in America. A year ago today I had an excitement of something I thought was going to be my forever. I look back on that day and I used to think it was perfect. But it wasn't. There was so much uncertainty. So much forced. Nothing was real. As much as I wanted it to be real, it wasn't.<br />
<br />
These last ten months have been the hardest I've had to endure. There are days when I wake up and forget who it was that I was in a relationship with for eleven months. Other days I wake up and my heart is so heavy and hurt that I can't help but think about it.<br />
<br />
Last week, I was out to dinner with Taylor, Nicole, and Sammy. We were eating at Burrito Gallery, one of my favorite places here, and in the middle of a conversation. All of the sudden a song came on that was on a playlist my ex made for me when we first got together. I hadn't cried about him in a while and then out of nowhere, the tears began to flow. My friends were great in reminding me of what I'd come through and how strong I'd been and that it was OK to cry. I think that's been my biggest issue - it's OK to cry because what I went through was painful and it hurt and crying is a good thing.<br />
<br />
You may read this and think, "Geez, you're still not over that guy?" Let me assure you - I am over him. I'm not over what he represented in my life. For eleven months I thought he was IT. I was made to believe we were on the same page until shortly before the end.<br />
<br />
Breakups are painful. Change is painful. Transition is painful. And I went through all of those things. Being allowed to mourn shouldn't have a timeline stamped on it. It takes as long as it will take.<br />
<br />
Today as I sit on my couch and reflect on the last year, I am so thankful for the friends I've made here in Jacksonville. They have encouraged me, believed in me, prayed for me, laughed with me, and allowed me to cry and be myself.<br />
<br />
Happy Christmas Eve EveAllison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8408860689029570176.post-68189780994884960702015-09-12T20:21:00.001-07:002015-09-12T20:21:22.524-07:00Life in the JourneyOver a month, actually. But, hey, I've been busy.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking recently about all that God has used in my life just to put me where He wants me. I have been back and forth to Europe, let go from a job in Georgia years ago, was a Concierge at a 5 star hotel, went to seminary in Boston, and dated a guy I thought I'd marry but I'll never see again, all so that I can be right where He wants me to be.<br />
<br />
See, this is why I will not ever begin to comprehend the mind of God. It is way too vast, way too mind-blowing, and way too creative for me to begin to comprehend.<br />
<br />
Last week I went on a cruise and every night I'd go out to the balcony and look out over the water. It was kind of daunting. First of all, the ocean freaks me out<i> </i>thanks to that terrifying shark movie Spielberg came out with a while ago. Second, trying to fathom just how deep the ocean has to be to carry the weight of a ship is mind boggling. But it caused me to think about the depth of God's love for me and how vast his plans are. In my finite mind, my plans can only extend so far in my head. I'm so glad I don't have to plan out the rest of my life. It's hard enough to plan out a few hours in the day.<br />
<br />
I've also been reminded lately of how much I don't want to be exposed. I try so hard not to let anyone see my fleshy parts. Unfortunately, the longer you hang out with me, the more exposed I become. I talk a good talk about being "real" with people but I've been a hypocrite of that. I hide behind insecurities and have discovered just how much I have to run to Jesus with it.<br />
<br />
So, other than working and planning out my year of theatre with my new set of kiddos, this is what I've been learning.<br />
<br />
Oh yes, transition is still a huge part of life. I'm still amazed that the grocery store is open on Sundays here. And football. I've watched 3 football games today. And I don't even like any of the teams. I just have missed watching college football.<br />
<br />
Go Canes.Allison Stroudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06095360737251338960noreply@blogger.com0